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23 aprile Prejudice againts prettyOk I know most of the time we want to be pretty and it work to your advantage. You get to skip the que to get into a club, and can instead walk the red carpet. You get free drinks, help carrying heavy stuff and get take on the most adventurous dates by men you hardly know.
However being pretty, has its disadvantages too.
Like the old lady at the post office today who was so angry at me, and seriously had never heard of the word customser service. Or the librarian the other day who had a go at me for standing talking in the little phoneboot they have for talking in the library, I mean they have a pay phone there for the purpose. Still she told me not to talk. Ok You may think this is just me being sensitive but it isnt, and I will prove it to you.
First of all it is only women, the older the bitter, who treat me badly. Secondly I am a nice person who smile and the people at the post room know me by name and stop to talk to me, and the librarians checking our bags for stolen books normally joke around with me. So most of the time I get decent treatment, which is partly why I am so curious as to why these bitter old women act so rude.
And the answer was they they are pejducie against pretty people.
I am not claiming that I think I am pretty, but I know that is the general perception. Furthermore with my new daily outfits, blonde hair, huge sunglasses and makeup, not to forget the heels I alwasy wear -well I suppose it may annoy people. We are supposed to fit in, to be seen but not heard, to blend in with the bunch, and wear jeans, sneakers and a boring top. If you do not, people will judge you. Beacuse you will get attention.
People will judge you, not because of who you are, but as the person they want you to be.
I do this myself sometime. I see someone I envy, who make me feel a little depressed or well not enough, and comfort myself with giving her attributes that will make her less perfect. If someone is pretty, we think they are stupid. If someone care about fashion, they can not possibly care about sports. If someone is wealthy they can not be kind, generous and involved in charity. If someone is thin they must have an eating disorder. The hot guy who isnt interested must be gay. You can not even deny having thought like this yourself, because I know we all have. Its some sort of self preservation.
The sad thing is that if you give people these labels, then you also start treating them accordingly. Which is the reason these women were so rude towards me. Of course we could say that perhaps they were just having a bad day, but then why were they so nice to the guy they were helping after me, or why did they completely ignore the person who walked into the library (i stayed outside) talking on the phone! Why was I the only one getting the negative special treatment?
My point exactly!
22 aprile creepy guyCreepy guy
Ok we all have different perceptions of what is unacceptable social behaviour, depending on our culture, norms and values. As it in certain African countries are natural to touch women’s bottoms or breasts even in front of adults or authoritative figures. However I do believe most of us, especially in the West share a common ground of what is acceptable and what is crossing the line. This can of course be supported by further inquiry with others of a certain instant when such an issue occurs.
As such I believe it is fair to say, that at times we come across others who see the world through a different set of values, and who does not understand these limits. For this reason there are those who wrongly, come to hold prejudice against whole groups of people, due to clashes of values and norms. As such there are misunderstandings between Muslims and Christians, between Arabs and Africans, between old and young. Although these should be prevented through thorough discussion, they nonetheless persist and at times surface.
For me this occurred through an utter misunderstanding, between me and a man. From different cultures, different religions and with different personalities plenty was bound to go wrong. So suddenly by me trying to show patience, kindness whilst still keeping a distance, due to a lack of interest in any deeper relationship, I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation. He insisted on taking up my time, blaming me for spending time with my friends, being busy, and eventually banging on my door. Unfortunately it did not end there, but persisted with blame, explanations and weird accusations. By now, it was not just me feeling uncomfortable, but also the men in my life beginning to show signs of concern. According to their set of values he was behaving creepy, and it was not just me being over sensitive.
However it is difficult at times, to solve a problem. Albeit feeling uncomfortable, I was not willing to solve matters in the way people were starting to suggest. To let others, men fight my battle, even by just being a deterrent effect, is not according to my preference. I believe in frankness, politeness and expressing how I feel in certain situations. But when you clearly state that you feel uncomfortable, and are not interested and as a reply have him laughing saying he does not care that you do not like him, because he likes you nonetheless you do feel rather helpless. Still stubborn enough not to resort to being a weak woman, I am hopeful, as he eventually must get the message.
I suppose I am trying to say that even harmless cultural clashes can be uncomfortable experiences. It would be so easy for me to suddenly conform to the prejudice of certain groups, but that would never resolve the issue and it would perpetuate the negative feelings this experience has conjured. I do feel helpless, like I am incapable of resolving this situation, but I am determined to put the fault as an individual occurrence, rather than a cultural difference. 21 aprile a typeIt has recently occured to me that I have a type, a specific set of criteria which appeals to me as far as men are concerned.
Of course this is nothing new.
However I have begun to question if this is a positive or negative thing, especially when I realise my ex boyfriends have a lot in common with one another. I suppose it is a concern over not being open minded enough or that I unconciously still want one of my ex's. I do not want to like someone because they remind me of someone else, I do not want someone who isnt an individual human being. More than anything else, I dont want to fall for men with the same flaws as the former. Because not only would that be destructive, as I would end up ruined once more, but also because it would mean that I am uncapable of learning from my mistakes.
In that sense I suppose having a type is both positive and negative. I know what I fall for, and I know what I should avoid.
I know that a sporty guy, who shares some of my common values, who loves children and outdoors, who is happy and relaxed, humble, and still has that child hidden under a cute smile -well it gets me going. Especially if he can dress nicely, is comfortable in expressing himself and can challenge me intellectually. It makes me fall. What I need is for the fall to be the kind where I do not need to be caught, where I can fall, because the flaws that are normally there to curse everything, are non existent.
Unfortuenatly for me it seem to be that the things I am attracted to come hand in hand with a certain number of factors that I have now learned to avoid. Such as men who has no history of previous relationships, who has no ability to express feelings or discuss issues at hand, who can not trust, who are afraid of growing up and taking responsibility, who can not compromise, who do not dare to share or care. I just get so blinded that I do not consider these charactersitics to matter, but they do. It is ok to be picky.
So when I may have found someone who seem to be without these flaws, who make me laugh and who I can talk to about anything or nothing at all -I can not help worrying that since he fit into a certain type of men I am attracted to, the probability of him holding the flaws are rather high. |
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